Is he jealous or something? I am sure that dress would mean to her than the one in which her step mom got married to her first husband. NTA. Neither is she your mother's daughter so has no rights over the dress. Tessa has no connection to you or the dress to give her the right to ask for it. I know me either. We can share it. And do not let them bully you. Most wedding dresses need to get tailored anyways. You could make it clear if they take it anyway, you'll report it as theft and press charges. NTA you are a fucking legend and there will be status of you. The dress was made by your mother for her daughter. You don't wear white if the bride is blind, you don't wear white if the bride isn't wearing white, you don't wear white unless you get explicit permission to wear white. that is absolutely awesome. Veruca Salt aka Tessa wants the nicer one! I have seen this a lot from people who are only children and think that having a sibling (especially a same-gender sibling) is basically like having an automatic built-in BFF who you share everything with. You might want to check out r/JustNoMIL and read up on sonsbands. If the dress were offered, that'd be another matter entirely, by how entitled does someone have to be to just demand it? A co-worker said she looks like me and I hold it dear to my heart. You suck! It's your best shot. Brad isn't the villain here though. If so, I would change the locks. That's exactly it, OP said she wouldn't get rid of the dress even when she got married to Brad. The person writing it gets the confirmation bias they need to keep acting however they acted without us knowing the full context. Editforgot to add OP is DEFINITELY NTA . MIL is just butthurt you prevented her from making an ass of herself and dressing like the bride at her son's wedding. Definitely NTA. NTA. Dress is in an undisclosed location for obvious reasons. If she really wanted to turn the tables, the bride could've worn a bright pink/candy pink dress. Will that fill her emotional needs and make her OWN wedding dress that much more sentimental to her? No way. We had a similar ask a while back over a a song at a wedding done by someones deceased dad. Nta. If your mum let's that selfish girl take your dress, you will likely never see it again, except on her. saying that I'm acting like a huge brat. You have plans for the dress. NTA You handled this so elegantly, Im genuinely amazed, NTA but honestly I dont know if I would have gone ahead with the marriage. She should not give up that dress. Exactly! Your wedding, your choice. It will not be shared". Oh and 4) if you had told her you were wearing a blush gown, 100% she would have swapped the color of her dress to spite you. Listen if you wanna have some fun, call your dads family if you can and tell them the situation, then tell your moms family, wanna really have some fun tell her fiancs and his family blast them on socials. I wouldnt let the stepmum butcher the dress with her ham fisted attempts at fixing it! Fuck Brad and Tessa. They are not entitled to any of your property, especially keepsakes. You are awesome. NTA. NTA, Agree! A woman has questioned whether she was wrong to refuse her stepdaughter's request to wear her late daughter's wedding gown after it sparked a family-wide argument.. AITA for telling my husband he should be ashamed of himself and he would be incredibly lucky if his oldest daughter ever speaks to him again? So hes just abusive and uses his money as a way to try to keep your mom in line. Try having a real talk with her about it, let her know that her behavior is really not having a positive effect. Hands up the shirt. Tell your father you will not be speaking to him until he apologizes. Sounds beautiful. The dress is the least of your issues with Brad and Tessa (though still a big deal). NTA. Don't let her "try on" the dress either. Grand baby is getting baptized? If they end up wearing it, I'd call the police for theft and have them show up and cause a scene. I dont understand why Brad thinks he has a right to an opinion here. Your mother-in-law is looney tunes. Do brides really WANT to go 2nd hand? "I (25 Female) got married to my husband (24 Male) a year ago." "He has a sister (16 Female)." "I went a little non-traditional with my dress. My stepsister (24f) is now getting married and wants to wear my wedding dress to hers. (And maybe bring her some food!). Abusers like to take advantage of vulnerable people. My wedding dress was a dress my mom made for me when I was 11. Don't even tell your Mom where it is in case Brad or Tessa lean on her hard enough that she'll blab. Im also so sorry that your stepsister was cruel enough to try the it looks better on me argument, too. If they let this happen its a clear sign of how little they care about you and your feelings. And you dont consider me enough of a sister to respect how important and irreplaceable this dress is to me just because you like wearing hand me downs.. My sister and I are as close as they come and wear the same size, neither of us even THOUGHT about wearing the others wedding dress. NTA You handled that like a pro. I suspect she has a deep admiration for you. That your stepsister doesn't understand this, let alone the emotional reasons why you've said no, means she lacks respect for you and your own agency. Please please PLEASE make sure your dresses are somewhere safe. NTA at all. This is domestic violence, he is in a power position and it is using it to make you and your mother do whatever you and her little psycho daughter wants. Despite what she may think, the day was not about her, it was about you and your now husband. NTA Stand your ground and hide the dress, with someone else if you can. Surely Liz should get making her own daughter her own dress? How dare she?! underground_whore 1 1h21m. NTA - It's off that your stepsister wants so badly to wear something made by your mother. ugh your MIL is a butt. Her decision is the only one that matters. I also would not be crying over the way you reacted. They have no right. Since its a priceless handmade beautiful garment I would say OP is double NTA. Tessa is freakin' 26 years old and can buy her own dress. This is fucking brilliant! You're absolutely right. Just because its family, doesnt mean you cant say no. Let her have the one your mom used when she married Brad. It was absolutely brilliant. Not only are you NTA, but I need you on retainer to solve all my interpersonal conflicts for me. That dress is your inheritance. As others have suggested, hide the dress with someone you can trust until the wedding is over. Her stepsister is 24, which is way to old for her to be acting like this. She wants the same attention OP got for wearing a dress a dead mother made. It isn't even your stepfather's to give away! Step sis can wear the one your mom wore to marry her Dad. OP, I dont know how much you want to salvage this relationship, but you have a few options. NTA Not in the slightest. It's troubling that the response to your declining her request is verbal abuse. I agree with the others, she knows, she just doesnt care. Donnnn't CARE howwww, I want it NOW!!! NTA. My stepsister is genuinely sad. Only if it's OP's maternal grandma AND if dad doesn't visit her at all AND if grandma knows how to stand her ground refusing someone in, even if they throw sentimentality in their face. She needs to be firm not "be-on-the-fence", especially when he called you names. Follow with this! It's a memento and should be treated as such, not a whim for a spoiled adult. Their actions play into the evil steps syndrome, they are entitled and manipulative bullies. You should delete that one. Brad and step sis have no reasonable claim on the dress at all. Would your step brother stash it somewhere safe for you? What connection could she possibly have to your mother's wedding gown? What a beautiful, ingenious turn of the table. Ask your stepbro and your friends for help removing the dress from the house or I absolutely guarantee your spiteful stepdad will do something to ruin it. Tessa sounds spoiled and entitled. Peeped the (ex) FIL at the end too, Normally people would just uninvite her from the wedding but this is pettyrevenge, oops, I mean AITA so here we are. While the OP thought she might be in the wrong after the feedback she received from her family, the subReddit didnt think so. I cannot stress how much you are NTA. Especially because its unlikely the sister is going to treat the dress with the same level of respect and care that OP did/does. Op, ask your mum to give you a letter that states that she's giving you her dress now. I'm sure she would never see it that she has been treated equally though, but that's her problem. And if they heard the reasons why that dress is important to you and still insist on getting their hands and it means, they do NOT care about you at all and are selfish beyond reasons. I hope OP tells them this. NTA. Which, if done right, is not at all the insult it might come across as. Text a neutral relative- grandparents? And that is the main reason why I would say her fantasy has nothing to do with this. What did she think was going to happen when she rolled up in that white gown? Definitely NTA for giving the old hag a taste of her own medicine. NTA. Well, the Brother Grimm made the traditional stories bad, the traditional stories were not that bad. Brad?!! NTA and hide the dress. OP, I'm sorry you have to deal with your MIL she clearly has some strange psychological issues but that was one hell of a satisfying story. They will tell other crows, who then also recognize you. NTA. Oh my God, I didn't even think about this. This guy sounds super jealous, controlling, and manipulative. AITA not paying any more towards our daughter's wedding after she cut pieces off her mother's wedding dress for her own? I would love to see how that turned out. Username checks out, would expect Snape's mistress to come up with something this brilliant, calculated, and cold. She should be apologising to you. Liz and stepsister can share in the dresses sentimentality by looking through your wedding/childhood photos and reminiscing. Sure, it's very nice when a bride lets people wear whatever they want, it's cute when brides invite the married women to wear their old wedding dresses, but doing these nice things is not required of anyone in order to be considered a good person or "chill" bride. Whats Brad gonna do - go to the police and say you stole a dress? If she wants to save on the wedding dress as she said, then she should be happy with the other dress as it would be free?? the step sister is the selfish one, who knows if she would try to just keep it, destroy it purposely or accidentally. Honestly, the way you reacted is actually the kindest possible response you could have had. If I was OPs mom I would CUSS Brad straight to hell and then cuss Satan out for keeping him. Sit down with her, have an open, frank talk about what the dress means to you, that it is one of your remaining connections to your mother who you love dearly. The only ones who are selfish here are the stepsister and her dad. You deserve the dress your mom married your dad in so even if he can't walk you down the aisle, he kind of is. Have a family member of your dad or a trustee friend keep it for you. Tessa should wear the dress your mom wore to marry HER dad. Text your mum this post and tell her to read the comments. Even your stepbrother agrees you're right. Come to think of it, go on the Wish app, find a cheap dress that looks like yours (at least in the photos) and buy it for your step sister. I wouldn't want my sis's dress especially if she was sentimental about it; I would be afraid to mess up. This is something that was made specifically for you and you have no obligation to share it. Let them know firmly that it is a settled issue that is no longer UP FOR DEBATE. Also why would you want to walk your daughter down the aisle as she is wearing the custom made wedding dress her STEP MOTHER'S EX HUSBAND MADE FOR HIS WIFE?? You don't owe her a thing. Thats the tradition, right, wear the moms dress, not the sisters. She could also burst into tears and say she did it all to make MIL feel happy and included! I dunno, personally I'm a little suspicious of super cheap wedding dresses on Amazon, and other places. I am livid. NTA, that dress which your father had designed and made for your mother has always been planned to go to you. Take it to somebody you trust, and don't let them get their hands on it ever again. Nobody forced him to pay. Call a friend, hand the dress out the window, and tell no one, not even your mom, who has it. But they all need to start harassing OP. Hide the dress. Take it to your grandmothers or somewhere else and store it there ! NTA. And you deserve a goddamn trophy for pulling that on her. As long as its in the house, it isnt safe. Shame on her and shame on Brad for trying to bully you into it. Props to the stepbrother for seeing through this bs as well. Dad and step-mum are very much the AHs. Put it somewhere safe, nowhere near your house. TBH if I was in your shoes and being called nasty things I would tell my step sis "You can borrow the dress when you know the pain of losing your mother" and have that be the end of it. You're looking at possible dirt, drink, and food stains, as well as wear and tear on the dress that could possibly render this dress unwearable in the future. Period. It's a gorgeous simple white dress with a long lace veil. OP, you are NTA, you Stepsis (and Dad) needs to back off and stop trying to pressure you out of something that obviously means a lot to you. narcissists can't stand it when their victims have love/support for/from anyone but them. While the accident was not their fault, I found out afterwards that it would have only cost $150 for their car to be fixed. Sisters dont typically share the same wedding dress though. Stand your ground OP. NTA. Six weeks later, the car was totaled when they were rear-ended. I think if Tessa wants a dress in her style kinda like OPs dad had commissioned for OPs mom then she should have her future husband commission a brand new dress for her. This is YOUR dress and was never meant for anyone else but you! I know its not the same and shell probably not be happy with the lower offer, but if she wants it because its yours, that can be your compromise. NTA. I could probably get it tailored in time. They had A LOT OF NERVE going and grabbing the dress. "Then why'd you get so butthurt when they said no? NTA. I'd recommend finding a place to keep it safe. NTA theyre planning something, take it somewhere so they cant get it. If at heart she truly does just want to feel loved and sees receiving stuff/gifts as an expression of love, reaching out to her might help her see that she's being an asshole. You should tell them you'll only communicate with them once they behave like adults about it and accept your answer. If step sister wants a dress she can wear the on e that was used at the wedding between mom and step dad. It doesn't matter if he sees it as a memento or not, the mom said no and he tried to do it anyways because that's what he and his daughter wanted. No one should be forced to share their wedding dress ever. And Tessa may have an actually limited budget. NTA this is just bizarre. Tell Brad that Tessa thinking that she is entitled to your dress is spoiled and selfish. 1000 percent NTA. Furthermore, I don't understand why people ask for a favor but then get offended when the answer is no. If you have a chest or trunk with locks, great. He needs to learn boundaries and sympathy. You're absolutely within your rights, particularly given the history of the dress. DRESS. That dress is the closest you are going to get to your late father being at your wedding and walking you down the aisle, a way for him to be close to you on your special day. Especially as your mother shuld also be able to have the same opportunity to 'shine' as a MIL, with just as much right, along with the others special enough to be asked to participate in your wedding. Hes also bullying mom into ignoring her own feelings. This is the epitome of an heirloom, I hope OP can keep it safe forever. This is how I read it: Sometimes people call you selfish because you're being selfish. OP, is there anyone you can call to come over to your bedroom window and take the dress for safe keeping? The meaning it has for you is far more important than any convenience it offers to her. NTA, but as much as it sucks, this isn't your decision to make. Don't expect Brad to reprimand her when it happens either. Stand your ground. If your grandparents ( fathers side) are available, call them. It doesn't matter if it'll get worn again or not. Wish I could have been there to see mils face as she faded into a sea of white as you stood out in glorious pink. She only wants it because its convenient so she can save money. Keep that dress safe with an aunt or grandparent/person that you trust. It is essential it gets moved out of the house and the person who helps you move it, then cant keep it with them, but with another family member to further hide the trail. Tell your mom that as long as she stays with Brad you wont nothing to do with her. ", "Listen, it doesn't matter. The background to why you don't want to loan your dress is actually irrelevant. So as Halfsie suggests why not loan her something else special as a compromise? I agree with you. This dress has so much sentimental meaning for you and you have dreamed of wearing. Please get that dress to a safe place!!! She needs therapy. ), that was a MASTERFUL workaround and I think it was a classy way to handle it!! The cousin completely altered the dress - cut the sleeves, changed the neckline, the whole nine yards - when we went to the wedding my wife was aghast at all the changes - it looked nothing like her dress. Save it, as you said, for your daughter (or daughter-in-law). Would you want to give me your gown if my mother was still alive to make me a gown? But really, how is this bullying? Further incidents may result in a ban. Davids bridal has beautiful dresses that are not expensive that your step-sister can buy I mean they know it was your late mother who made it and you plan on passing it down to your children. Mom has two dresses. Your mom needs to put her foot down and not let Tessa use it. Ive worked a lot of weddings. NTA! It meant I had to buy crap just to get messy/dirty with paint. Normal. And if she wants something cheap, she should start looking at thrift stores. Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. I'm so proud of you!!! She can wear something else. I need your brain OP, that was a beautiful, diplomatic, elegant, stress and drama free solution. Let Brad f the hell off, this is none of his business. If she wore the dress, youd feel resentful and upset at being forced to do this, not like two sisters sharing a moment on a special day. OP, if you need financial help to hide the dress please let us know. OPs mom already promised the other dress to OP. I can't believe she even asked oh my goodness. Also, once she wears the dress for the wedding, it will be her wedding dress, and you will not get it back. On some level, they must know their cheap arguments about saving money and style are nothing compared to your sentimental reasons for wanting YOUR dress, so they have to resort to tears and name calling. Return the dress get your money back and cut all contact with them. This is your link to your dad and his love for your mother. I would be if I asked my sister for something and she pretty much goes "No, you're not my real sister only my step sister". That's where you can uninvite the lunatic. She's also only 16, I had a growth spurt at 18! Keepsakes she made specifically for you and no one else unless you yourself agreed. So she always wanted me to love and accept her daughter because it would mean she had won, her family was her daughters real family, and even at 24 she still looks up to me so much she's heartbroken I won't share something very special with her while she's actually said she probably won't invite her half brother. NTA. My mom bought my wedding dress for me. If I were the mom I certainly would have been the one shouting no and taking the dress from them. It still be a painful learning process for everyone, but it absolutely needs to happen asap. Tessa is very mad and says I'm slandering her, OP Tessa is just mad she didnt get her way, she can kick rocks. Do you have grandparents you can trust to hold onto the dress for you? I hope everything gets better. It's not like OP's mom had a hand in raising the step-daughter. You had to switch your vision to ensure she didnt compete. texting me asking me to apologize and give her the dress back. I hope ops mother opens her eyes! This is one of these stories, where OP found a smart way to deal withe TA, and TA blames OP? Please stay safe . Oh. Liz and company dont care about the sentiment behind the dresses. Since you refuse to respect my request Im going to leave/hang up. But she views that kind of acceptance from gifts and material stuff and sharing your stuff because it's kind of what was encouraged. Why can't Tessa wear the other dress if it's just about saving money? I place VERY little on DNA when it comes to family having and adopted child and running away at 14 from an abusive house with my mum (17 random junkies, 4 of whom I had to share a room with, no beds, syringes and knives laying around) and from then on my Step Dad helped hid me until I was old enough they couldn't take me back and then during adult life when things were good we were friends who watched sport together and talked at least 30 minutes a day, and when I needed fatherly guidance was he always there, even if it meant literally going to the airport and asking to be on the next plane to where I was, an in his retirement we did group projects together like made a massive veggie garden and chicken coop on my double block (he rented a unit 1-2 minutes walk away) just like when I was a kid before they divorced on weekends we built canoes and he taught me a lot of traditional bush craft (we are indigenous Australians). That would seem to make much more sense. Genius. In no universe is that not AH behavior. Getting married is expensive AF (even for a small wedding) so she should've prepared for it instead of asking a 16 year old to give up their wedding dress. I'd ask to see a photo if that wouldn't be weird and overstepping! OP, you simply must do this. Even if you had bought that wedding dress on sale for $50 at a department store, NTA. they need to leave you alone and respect you. OP do not give up that dress under any circumstances. Brad is rather a brat. Block them and their bullshit, THEY ARE YOURS and these people are ENTITLED e.e Tell Brad, Tessa and your mom this is not something you are willing to discus and if they push it you will disown Tessa and Brad and have nothing to do with either of them going forward. So I filed a legal claim. NTA. Moms got a seamstress, in the middle of prom season, that she knows can whack a dress in half in 3 days?!? 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Bully them into giving up the fact she wants her step dads exwifes dress! Disney though:
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